he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I enjoy the company of your penis
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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