Umm I'm too high to move.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
