Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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