I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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