I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
