i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
