Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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