so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
