Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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