she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
this just has baby written all over it
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
