I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
