are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
