Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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