She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
