Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
