How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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