I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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