i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
