he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
