So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
