brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
