I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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