I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
