i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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