$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
