I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
