I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
