I murdered the dance floor call the cops
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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