i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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