just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
