i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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