She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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