Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
