Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
