Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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