so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
