I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Randomize
