once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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