Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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