I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
