So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
