i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
