I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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