We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
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