Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
