i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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