last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
