I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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