i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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