chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
