I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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