I seem to have left my pride at pride
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
