Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
