She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
