so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
