White coat. Heels.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
