I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
