How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
